Chances
by phoebe9509
Summary: Emily contemplates the decisions she's made when it comes to her boss.


Emily Prentiss slowly walked into her warm bedroom still shaking her head from her previous actions. Kicking off her shoes she made her way to her bed. Looking down at the queen sized emptiness she began to question her decision. Did she want it to be like this forever? Did she want to be alone? He gave her an out, and she threw it all away, without so much as thinking about it.

Yanking her jacket off of her arms, Emily threw it to the floor then flopped down on the bed. Grabbing the ends of the blankets on both sides of her she enveloped herself in the warmth. Sighing deeply, she tried to forget what happened; she needed to forget what happened. She made her decision and she couldn't, no, she wouldn't, change it.

*~*~*~*~*_Begin Flashback*~*~*~*~*~*_

"_Thanks again for watching Jack for me Prentiss," Hotch said._

"_Anytime, you know I'm always here to help you guys out."_

_Nodding his head Hotch's eyes burned a hole into Emily's. "Yes, I know."_

_A comfortable silence engulfed the pair as Emily grabbed her coat off the rack and put it on. "Well," she cleared her throat, "Jack is in bed, I told him a story which he ended up telling me in the end." Emily let a small smile play over her face at the memory. She was very fond of the little boy, if she was being honest, he held her heart. _

"_Jack likes to interrupt a story then make up a random ending," Hotch informed her softly. "I'm glad he likes you enough to share that with you."_

"_I like him just as much," Emily admitted. Finally finishing buttoning her jacket up Emily reached for the doorknob. Before she could turn it Hotch's words halted her actions._

"_You don't have to go," he whispered gently, but Emily still heard. _

_Turning to face him slightly, Emily arched an eyebrow. "What?"_

_Shrugging and sending her a nervous facial expression Hotch continued, "You can stay if you'd like. I mean it's late and you could just stay here."_

_Emily quickly schooled her facial features hoping that Hotch didn't realize how his words were shocking her. She knew that it must not have been easy for him to say any of that to her but he did it anyway, and she didn't want to crush him his first time out there again. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea," she confessed._

"_Why?"_

_That one little word. Three small letters left Emily flabbergasted. Since when does Aaron Hotchner think anything like this would be a good idea? When did the two become close enough that he felt comfortable enough suggesting this to her? _

_Shoving her hands in her pocket Emily leaned against the closed door. "What have you done with the Hotch I know?" she joked although she was being completely serious. _

_Feeling brave Hotch took a step closer to the raven haired beauty. "I'm still here, I just know what I want, and I'm tired of waiting for it to come to me, so I figured I'd go after it." Hotch spoke with such certainty, and clarity that Emily began to panic. _

"_What do you want?" Emily croaked out._

_Taking another step closer Hotch ran a hand over her silky hair. "You," he stated simply._

_Without waiting for a response, Hotch closed the distance between their lips and placed a gentle, lingering, simple kiss on her plump lips. Pulling away for a second as he gauged her reaction, Hotch repeated the action, adding a little more force and passion into it. Gently cupping her face and pulling her towards him, Hotch ran his tongue along her bottom lip, begging for entrance, and his heart soared when she obliged. Before he could go any further he felt small hands pushing at his chest. _

_Stepping away from her, he swallowed nervously as he watched her gorgeous eyes widen in panic, and maybe a little bit of fear._

"_What was that?" she blurted out._

_Hotch wanted to let out a laugh at her question, but still seeing the look in her eyes he felt now wouldn't be the time. "It was a kiss Emily. I kissed you."_

"_What for?"_

"_I thought that was pretty obvious," he shrugged as he mimicked her action from earlier and shoved his hands in his pockets in a very unlike Hotch stance. _

_All Hotch could do was stare as Emily shock her head from side to side and squeezing her eyes shut tight. The panic he saw in her eyes was now making a home in his. He could sense that she was going to freak out, and that knowledge upset him more than he would like to admit. _

"_Wh, I, no…you can't go around kissing people!" she finally stammered out. "Why would you do that?" she yelled softly, knowing that a young boy was still sleeping peacefully down the hall. _

"_I'm sorry Emily. I didn't know that it would upset you like this," Hotch rushed on trying desperately to make it right. "I was just trying to express to you how much I appreciate you, and how much I car—"_

"_A thank you would have been perfectly fine Hotch!" Emily paced in front of the door. "You had to go and mess everything up didn't you? We had a good thing going, we were friends Hotch, and I always wanted to be your friend. From the very beginning you were the one that I knew I would have to prove myself to to just get a glimpse of the man behind the suit, and then finally, I don't know if it was after New York or maybe it was after Foyet but you finally let me in. And you have no idea how excited I was." Letting out a bitter laugh she continued, "That's silly isn't it? To be excited about being friends with someone, but I was." _

"_It's not silly Emily, it's—"_

"_Why did you do this then? Why are you throwing what we have built away?"_

_Confusion graced Hotch's face, "Throwing it away? I'm not trying to throw anything away," Hotch stated firmly as he stepped closer to her causing Emily to halt her pacing. "I'm trying to take what we've built together and make it into something more. Something even more amazing than what it already is."_

_Silence passed between the two again and Emily closed her eyes and whispered what she knew would crush the great, amazing man before her. "What we have is as amazing as it is going to get Hotch. There is nothing more that we can add to it without destroying it." Opening her eyes she watched as the hurt ran through his face. "I treasure our relationship more than you will ever know Hotch, and I don't want to ruin that. I can't."_

"_How could we ruin it?" he asked clearly upset._

"_If something goes wrong between us I won't have my best friend anymore, I won't have anything that I worked so hard for. I can't chance that."_

_Emily turned and reached for the handle again, clearly determined to exit his apartment and take a breather and let everything die down for a few days. Never has Emily been so excited for the weekend. _

"_Are you saying you feel nothing for me?" Hotch wondered out loud._

"_Of course I feel something, I'd be crazy not to. But I won't risk our friendship for more when things can change at any moment. I can't live my life without you Hotch, and I don't want to take the chance that one day I might if we pursue anything."_

"_But what—"_

"_There are no buts in this situation Hotch. I need you to realize that. We're friends, nothing more. We need to just go back to how we always are with each other. Forget the kiss and this entire conversation, and just get back to what we had. That's the only way I can continue to do this, because if I have to see you and look into your eyes that are filled with pain I don't know if I'll be able to keep being your friend." Watching as he arched an eyebrow Emily sighed. "Please don't make this harder than it already is. Just get some rest, enjoy your weekend with Jack and I'll see you on Monday Hotch."_

_Without waiting for him to respond Emily yanked the door open harder than she needed to and quickly left Hotch's apartment. All the while leaving Hotch to stare at the closed door where he had kissed her and beat himself up over how he handled the situation._

_*~*~*~*~* End Flashback*~*~*~*~*_

Rolling over Emily curled into a small ball and let her eyes drift shut. Although she knew she wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight she knew it would be better to try then to sit up all night replaying how his lips felt against hers. How his hands ran through her hair. She decided then and there that no matter how much she wanted him, she couldn't risk the chance that she'd lose him forever if something went wrong. Flinging the covers over her head so her entire body was engulfed she let out a frustrated sigh then willed herself to go to sleep, because if she couldn't give into him when she was awake, she knew that she would willingly give into the Hotch in her dreams.

A/N: So this just ran through my mind, and I figured I'd jot it down. After my last story I was asked why Hotch is always the bad guy in my stories…either he always messes something up or doesn't want anything to do with Emily, so I figured I'd switch it up and let her be the bad guy. What can I say? TML says Evil runs in my blood and I'm starting to think that that is true! Hope you guys liked, feel free to leave a review if you'd like. You can even cuss me out for making another story where they don't get together if you want!


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